Category Archives: Uncategorized

How Did We Get Here? E-Tribal War.

Nigeria has a country has been going through a lot of challenges at the moment, which no one is proud of.
Is it the trouble from Boko Haram in the North? or the Militancy in the East? or the kidnapping and “Badooing” (if there is any word like that in existence.) In the West?  No where in Nigeria can be described to be perfectly save.

Despite these challenges, the Nigerian online community seems to be building up another kind of war, which is hatred for another ethnic group. It has gotten to stage that political post online can’t be viewed without sentiments rather than with  a lucid mind and this has led to people giving different solutions which usually turn to online bashing.
Imagine a post on the Notorious Kidnapper Evans, some tribe moved for the motion that he be killed immediately, others were of the opinion of since he didn’t kill anyone he should be released.
Another issue is this bickering can be found on known websites and forums like Facebook, Nairaland  etc. The funny aspect is that these E-fighters have given each tribe a name, Yoruba are called Brown roof or Afoja, Igbo are called Flat heads or IPOB while the Hausa/Fulani seems to be the odd one in these E-clashes as it is usually rare to find the Hausas having an ethnic clash online.

This is a call on everyone especially sites owners, bloggers, site adminstrators to look at a way to stop this online division and hatred. We are still trying to bring “a dividing Nigeria” together offline please don’t add online division to it.

My Christmas Carol Experience

My Christmas carol Experience..

I was clothed in red and white
swaying here and there in my shoes
dancing to the various Christmas
songs.I was showcasing my dexterity
in various dancing steps when I
stepped on an old woman,i look back
to apologies and saw those eyes
through those big and ancient
spectacles staring at me,if eyes could
emit bullets i would have been shot
dead instanta,”i am sorry ma” i said
under my breath as i moved forward
to dance my sorrow away, “children
of nowadays!” i heard her say to
another older woman sitting by her
side..
i was still displaying a move with my
peers when one of my favourite song
was sang i forgot i was in the house of
the Lord and was Carried away by the
euphoria and didn’t know when i
jump to the front and started
displaying worldly dance step before
the pastor,mind you i never knew he
was the one ,what i noticed at first was
my peers stopped dancing and
started looking at me from afar then i
noticed the song was stopped then
the musical instruments came to a
halt,then sense dawn on me i had pull
off my shirt and was dancing like a
gangster,i looked at everyone then my
eyes met the eyes of the old woman i
stepped on ,she murmured the word
again “children of nowadays” before i
could say “Jesus” i was surrounded by
prayer warriors “Every evil spirit in
your life….” they started praying while
i looked on amazed.what was meant
to be a Christmas carol had
metamorphosised into a Christmas
prayer session. i stared with my eyes
open as i was rounded up by the
mob of prayer warriors,soon it was all
over but i was drag to a new seat near
the grand ma in big glasses as my
friends giggle at the back about my
suppose evil spirit encounter ,i was
gentle all through the carol services
and i stood still, singing with my
crooked voice,then it was time for
Christmas wishes, i was called forward
to make my Christmas wishes,i took
hold of the Mic ,with the anxiety in me
i started thus “i want to wish
everybody a happy Christmas and a
merry new year” i committed the
greatest blunder of the century,my
peers burst into laughter while older
people shook their heads in shame,i
went ahead to complete my line with
“I wished you a prospective new year”
the old woman with big glasses spoke
out again “children of nowadays”
before i could say Jack the pastor and
the prayer warriors had rallied round
me again,”the evil spirit is still there”
the pastor screamed..
Christmas carol turn Christmas prayer
role..
(Fiction )
merry Christmas and a prosperous
new year….2017 year of wonders.

Five Things that will comes up in the minds of Nigeria living in America

Six things that occurred in the mind of Nigerians living abroad when they heard Donald Trump won the election.

1. Time to go home: having heard the news that Trump, the first thing that drops into the mind of most Nigerian is “Home”. the adage that America is Home away from Home begins to “trump” out of their mind.
2. Time To Relocate: for those that the love of Nigeria has left their heart the thought of relocating come to their mind, they start calling their friends in near by Canada to know how things are done there or call friends in faraway Iceland. it’s time to move.
3. Time To Know if the dollars you sent home was used for that house: most Nigerians will start calling those relatives/friends/contractors and asking them if the house they sent regular dollars for has been completed.. some will be so unlucky to find out that that relative didn’t build anything rather he was doing MMM.
4. Time To obey the rules: yes if you are going to stay back this is the time to obey the rules and not expect a fair treatment if you are not a citizen.
5: Time to start sending every of your income home: as you know Mr Trump can wake up tomorrow and say it is time to send you home by force please start sending your money to Nigeria so you don’t lose all in the long run.
And above all remember there is change there likewise here in Nigeria.

Best Department that graduated with style

As we celebrate and rejoice with the HND graduating students,we are call on all ospolites both DPT and full time to vote for the best Department of their choice that graduated in Style.
To the graduating students we wish you the best as you step in to the real life environment. voting starts now and ends after 7days. Thank you!

My House Hunt Wahala.

You know that Naija mentality of everyone wanting to be a home owner,the solace you find in becoming one because there is no longer one Baba Kasali running after you at the end of the month. It was this thought that pushed me to buy my house.
It was during this wandering i met an agent Mr Tolu AKA “Omo Onile General ” that was the name written on the designed board in front of the shop he called his office, I had gone to him telling him i needed a house,two bedrooms flat preferably. He brought out an exercise book containing names of the suppose houses which he was an agent for, “we have four flats at Lekki phase 1, 12.5 million Naira each” he said his eyes fixed on the exercise book, ” “12.5million Naira?” i asked,”Oga,It is 12.5million Naira,my commission is 500,000 Naira, Everything is 13million Naira only.” I shook my head in objection, “Oga no house in places like Agege,something of my financial status because i budgeted only 5million Naira.he opened another page in his “Book of Life” i guessed he was searching for houses at my desired location. After searching for what seems like hours he looked up and smiled “ok,we have something of your taste at Dopemu Agege at that price.” I smiled as though i had won a medal,my dream of becoming a “Lagosian Landlord” was in the making. then i remembered the Omo Onile saga which Lagos was known for but Mr Tolu assured me.We chose a date to go to the house for inspection before making payment as i still had my Lagosian sense with me.

I rushed home explaining to my wife that we would soon be home owners, my wife was skeptical about the whole thing, she brought out her phone and i saw her type http://www.tolet.com.ng on her browser page,she was an internet savvy and knew the in and out while i was of the older generation “Where did you say the house is ?”she asked after the website had loaded, I look confused i didn’t understand what she was up to but i answered “it is at Dopemu Agege” she searched for houses for sales there and it brought up 18 houses with the highest price being 4.5million Naira,the suprising aspect was that i could see the pictures of the houses and their special features. we chose one and as she was the one that understands this internet thing we did the buying online,got the document and moved in the following week. When Mr Tope didn’t see me he called my line “Hello,Mr Joshua,the house you chose at Dopemu Agege is still available” he said, I laughed “Sorry i just bought the house.” he started shouting on the phone “you are a back stabber,you are this ,you are that” i replied him, “Tolet.com.ng did it for me.” i drop the phone call.
Your buying and selling of houses could be done at ease.

Conversation Between An Accountant,Bank worker,Economist, Political Analyst,Trader on the economy..

Bank Worker: I was at your shop today
i met your boy so i told him to give me
the shoe will haggle on last year for
8000naira,your boy looked me in the
eye and said the shoe now cost
36000naira,i had to look around to be
sure it was your shop i was and not
somewhere else,something we had
agree upon.
Trader: Come on don’t you watch the
news Abi you of all people are not a
privy to what is happening,the other
day at your bank i was kneeling and
begging your bank manager to help
me with few dollars to import new
shoes.guess what he said “I am sorry
but for now there is a restriction on
dollars,i can’t help.” does he mean i
should close down my shop or
what,the government is not helping
matters.
Economist: the government is only
helping you,you don’t know,if they
should flood in dollars even though
that is impossible except we go
borrowing From those Modern day
slave masters, you just have to
endure,can’t you just source for your
shoes within Nigeria? atleast promote
local product.
Trader:Oh oh,which Nigerian
Company produces shoe? and if i say
you should buy Aba made now you
will start complaining it is too cost that
you prefer the “Bend down Select”
Bank worker: Too bad, it is not like it
is our fault,we don’t have good
economy policies and that is where
economist are lagging behind.
imagine we import common tooth
pick,common tooth pick haha it is
over.
Economist: Hell No,how is it our fault
where were you when the
Accountants that were suppose to see
to our income and expenditures
where busy doing other
things,imagine Accountant will
account for money that doesn’t exist.
They are…..
Accountant: Abeg,don’t say what you
don’t know,Accountants say what
they see,you have 5naira and i say it is
5naira,do i force you on our to spend
your money,we can only give financial
advice yours is to choose to
follow..but hey what is this
50000naira deducted from my
account,what for?
Banker:it is a new policy
All: which policy after the 1000 and 50
naira policy.
Political Analyst1: It is the fault of
APC,you voted change and you have
it.
Political Analyst2: How is it APC fault?
if PDP had left some reserve all this
wouldn’t be happening,The
government is trying to proffer
solution….
Political Analyst1: and you think….
Bank Worker: Bar man,come and give
APC and PDP fellows more bottles
before they start the blame game…
Disclaimer: This is in no way
supporting or opposing anyone and
not to be taken serious..

WHAT PARENT ARE FACING DURING THIS PERIOD

Last Night,while i was on my bed thinking of how the day had gone , I was about saying my prayers when i heard a silent knock on my door,i was sure it couldn’t be madam because she would barge in being the mother of house, “Come in ” i said as i roll over on the bed, two little heads appeared, my pulse increased on seeing them because any time they come in this manner something was at at stake, “My Angels come in,you want to see daddy?”I asked smiling,they walked in “Yes dad” Bolu the elder one said, “ok come closer,daddy will listen” i assured as i started calculating what could have called for this meeting, there was an A4 sheet with them,my pulse increased higher again “Daddy we are resuming on monday” the bomb was shelled, I need not be told what was on the paper any more, i collected the paper and saw like 12text books each,the least price being one thousand naira, i turned the other page and saw the list of things they wanted to buy,new bags,new shoes,new school uniforms, Seun in Primary school even said she was going to buy new basket and water bottle,i looked further into the list and saw the New school fees for each of them,i breath in then with a smile i dismissed them..
“Their mom must have done a good job,training them to come meet daddy” as i brought out my calculator to do some calculations, lo and behold every thing amounted to one hundred and ten thousand naira only, i breathed in again.. The other day my mom was singing the song that she wanted more children, “after three children?” i asked as i stared at her in amazement,maybe she thinks we were still in the 1940s where parents gave birth to as many as they want and lead them to the farm,that was the order of the day back then not now, if you say because the holy books say “you should go into the world and multiply”it doesn’t mean you should start giving birth like pigs in this modern dispensation.I was brought back to reality when a call came from my eldest child, he is a student at a Federal University ,i felt hot immediately, talk of the devil and he appears, “another money Matter,may it is money for handouts this time” i thought as i picked his call, “Hello,Dad how are you and everybody….” i cut him short “Femi what’s it?” i asked as i was impatient, “Dad,i just wanted to greet you because of i miss everyone” he said,i heaved a sign of relief “eh,Femi so this what you do with the little pocket money i send you, we miss you too, et me call you tomorrow .” I said dropping the call.. After brain storming for a while,madam came in and acted as if she didn’t have a foreknowledge of what the kids had come to discuss with me,i gave her the paper they gave me and she read it as if it was the first time she was seeing it, “Dear,God will provide for us” she said… “Amen” I said sinking into the bed…

To all the parents out there God will provide for you…

Olumide©2015

SALLAH Palava

I woke this morning to get a text message from a friend of mine inviting me to come celebrate Sallah with him, “not again” i said within as i put on my short…
I remembered the ordeal Sule my friend put me through last year, i received his call last year, a day to Sallah as he had done today which i promised to come since he said there was going to be a lot of meats and food,not that i am a glutton but at the mention of food my stomach must rumble…
On the day of the celebration,i refused eating anything as i told anyone that cared to listen that i am on dry fasting,even my mom was surprised i was not eating as food was my second nickname,my mom went ahead to remind me of the other day when the pastor said i should fast for a day,when the time clocked 11:00am i was already feeling miserable so i took some cash or let me say i stole some cash then lied to my mom i was going for a walk, i went to the closest food vendor and ate to my satisfaction, i cleaned my mouth then went back home acting sluggishly as though i had not eaten,the next day when i went to the pastor for prayers, he told my mom to my amazement that i didn’t fast while i sweared heaven and earth that i fasted, then the pastor said he was the man putting on red shirt sitting close to me when i was eating..”pls what was he looking for? ”
I became sober as i knew i had been caught red handed,my mom looked at me ashamed.so on the day i told her i was fasting willingly, she was glad as she even prayed for me…
By 10am i was on my way to Sule’s house,I met another friend of mine named Saheed,he also asked me to come over saying they killed two fowls, “2fowls?when Sule dad killed two cows, i will rather go to Sule’s house “i thought within, i lied to him saying i would come…
Getting to Sule’s house i met a lot of people,i quickly sighted my friend Sule who said i should help in serving the food, i did it diligently hoping that i will get a bag full of meat,despite the fact that i was hungry i worked from 12pm till 6pm Serving the guest.. Then it was time to go home,I dragged my friend to a corner telling him i was going home,he thanked for my help and turned to leave to attend to other matter,i held his cloth”Sule wey my meat ?”I asked almost crying,,he looked at me “guy you mean say you nor carry any meat since when you dey serve? That was the reason i asked you to serve na”he said looking surprise, I stood still as tears where now forming in my eyes “guy you no go believe i never chop anything today,help me find something to chew” i begged,he ran inside and bought a chewing bone,which i chewed till i got to the front of my house…

Today as i saw Sule’s message i swear i will carry 3bags with me tomorrow when going to his house and this time i pray he put me charge of food as he did last year and i would be smarter….

The end…

Happy Sallah Celebration to my Muslim brothers and Sisters…
Copyright
Olumide®2015