Ten ways to win an Election in Nigeria setting.
Political candidates in Nigeria across every level go through alot to garner votes.
1. Discuss with the power that be to know if you are good to go, if they disapprove just “jejely” accept defeat and don’t go and start wasting money because you wouldn’t win but if they approve,you have won halfway.
2. Even if you are proud become humble, start doing things average Nigerians do, like buying meat at Sabo market, eat rice and stew at Iya Risi buka among others and remember to take your photographer along with you.
3. Have an online PR,yes this is the order of the day,Today Nigeria election can determine from the online community,so you have to employ a PR or a team of PRs to manage your online campaign(I can offer the service too o..)
4. Know your strongholds and be sure they are truly your strong holds so its doesn’t turn to be your weak holds on the main day.
5. Always have a punch line for any candidate that tries to fire you. follow the tactics fire for fire(note: only wordplay)
6. Never ever underestimate the other opponents.
7. There are no permanent friends or fiends but permanent interest therefore, don’t trust your friends too much and don’t push your fiends away.
8. Always have a plan B and let it be personal.
9. if you are good with propaganda by all means please use it.
10. Above all be prepared to gift out consumables to the public.
As we all know Christmas is around the corner but the issue is ” will 2016 Christmas be the same as that of 2015? ” from the look of things I bring to you things that might happen this Christmas season.
1. The demand of food will further increase therefore causing a great increase in price, commodity foods like rice will be so exorbitant. Reason for this? as at now the price of food his hitting hard on the income and will even hit harder during festive period. so expect more of “Jollof beans”, “Jollof garri” and the likes.
2. A sharp increase in the price of clothings,it will be so sharp it can cut a finger and spill blood. as we all know Christmas is a period most parent showcase their wealth by buying clothes for their wards guess what there is going to be a difference this year,old clothes will be washed and old shoes polished.
3. High cost of transportation: as at now there have been rumours that there will be a hike in the price of petrol if this should come to reality then expect a increase in price of transportation which means most people are going to stay back in their homes to minimize expenses in few words “no home town travelling”
4. Increase in House rent: if you are the type that lives in rented apartment just be prepared for an increase in House rent especially those that pay yearly. Landlords will want to gain more money.
5. More Chicken will escape death: as funny as it might look like, 2016 will be a blessing to chickens as only a few among them will die while most will live to see 2017. This means expect a sharp increase.
6. use of knock-outs/bangers will minimized because there wouldn’t be wasteful spending.
7. More people will depend on MMM,Paradise and other ponzi schemes for this Christmas celebration.
8. Families will do joint cooking. you will hear “Mr Ade let us contribute money to buy one bag of rice then we share it.”
9. Any religious place of worship that says it will be giving out food on FOC basis(free of charge) will be full to the brim.
10. And most importantly Nigerians will shout Buhari’s name because that is the only thing we are good at,shout,shout and no action.
All the same I wish you a merry Christmas in advance.
Note: pls use 2016 to prepare for 2017..
for now this is the vision I can see..
Ten misconceptions about Accountants.
1. Accountants count money.
2. Accountants are misers.
3. Accountants only know money.
4. Accountants always use glasses.
5. Accountants only draw table.
6. Accountants only smile at the end of the month.
7. Accountants will never increase your money above the expected.
8. Accountants are always calculating and as such don’t have time for family affairs.
9. Accountants know nothing beyond Debit and Credit.
10. Accountants are extremely rich.
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Six things that occurred in the mind of Nigerians living abroad when they heard Donald Trump won the election.
1. Time to go home: having heard the news that Trump, the first thing that drops into the mind of most Nigerian is “Home”. the adage that America is Home away from Home begins to “trump” out of their mind.
2. Time To Relocate: for those that the love of Nigeria has left their heart the thought of relocating come to their mind, they start calling their friends in near by Canada to know how things are done there or call friends in faraway Iceland. it’s time to move.
3. Time To Know if the dollars you sent home was used for that house: most Nigerians will start calling those relatives/friends/contractors and asking them if the house they sent regular dollars for has been completed.. some will be so unlucky to find out that that relative didn’t build anything rather he was doing MMM.
4. Time To obey the rules: yes if you are going to stay back this is the time to obey the rules and not expect a fair treatment if you are not a citizen.
5: Time to start sending every of your income home: as you know Mr Trump can wake up tomorrow and say it is time to send you home by force please start sending your money to Nigeria so you don’t lose all in the long run.
And above all remember there is change there likewise here in Nigeria.