If men were to be represented by Nigeria banks,this is what things will look like.
1. Access Bank – this is a kind of man that gives you access to all he has but not his money,he doesn’t joke with that.
2. Citibank- this is the man that rushes off to the village after being decline by the city big girls,he goes to the village to start catching village girls with his gimmicks “I am a city guy”
3. Diamond Bank- This kind of man thinks money is everything,he will do anything for you such as going into a contract with a network provider just to increase his worth to satisfy you.
4. Ecobank Nigeria – This kind of man is Economical in nature,he wants to know how you spend his money and any act of extravagance you are on your way to your father’s house.
5. Fidelity Bank Nigeria- this kind of man is ready to stay with only you but he is not going to spend much.
6. First Bank of Nigeria- this man believes since he came first into your life,you should always worship him,he lives on his past glory.you hear words like”i was the first man to enter into your heart” eh is it heaven?
7. First City Monument Bank – This kind of man always claim he is the cities ladies number one man and he spends alot.
8. Guaranty Trust Bank- this kind of man will always try to assure you but he at times over does it,he spends little and all his gadget and money safe has a password,he relies on applications alot to do any thing e.g to text his wife he enquires from an application.
9. Heritage Bank Plc.- this kind of man depends on his father’s wealth,he doesn’t really have anything to call his own.
10. Keystone Bank Limited- this kind of man is stone hearted,he believes in over powering other men,he doesn’t joke with the key to his strong room.
11. Skye Bank – this kind of man lives a flashy life despite the fact he is in debt.
12. Stanbic IBTC Bank Nigeria
Limited-this man is classic and he has alot of brothers who are equally rich,he is an half caste and always like to let people know.
13. Standard Chartered Bank- this kind of man rarely goes out,he only does his thing alone,he has alot of external backing.
14. Sterling Bank – this kind of man likes to form team foreign girls,he doesn’t like Nigeria girls.
15. Suntrust Bank Nigeria:this is the kind of man that believes technology can take care of his relationship and as such solely depends on his gadgets and other men close to his wife to talk to her on his behalf.
16. Union Bank of Nigeria- He believes because the president of a country is his Brother he can do anything,he hates spending money.
17. United Bank for Africa-this kind of man will always boast to you about his journey all over Africa,he talks alot,doesn’t not spend too much but still has a password to his safe.
18. Unity Bank Plc-this kind of man will be preaching unity once there is a fight because he solely depend on you.
19. Wema Bank-this kind of man is old school,he is just trying to meet up with modern school,he is cautious of his spendings.
20. Zenith Bank- This kind of man is always on the move,he likes to stay neat,he spends and his always on the look out for money.
Mark Zukerberg in Nigeria.
let it be in record that on 30th of
August 2016 ,one of the most
powerful men in the world,7th
billionaire,IT god came to Lagos
Mark came to Nigeria with Nigerians
not being aware,there was a sense of
joy in the mind of those that know
Alot is spectacular about this young
He came to Nigeria like a commoner
unlike some of our fellow Nigerians
who would have few dollars in their
account and start flaunting it here and
Mark is modest,No wrist watch,no
expensive clothing,his appearance is
so modest to the extent if you don’t
know who he is you will just look
down on him.
Mark is humble: He came all the way
to Nigeria to learn where most of the
tech entrepreneur see him as a god
and model even Seun Osewa owner
of the biggest forum in Africa
acknowledged that Mark is an alien.
Mark is free: ever since he reached
Lagos,Mark has been moving freely as
though Nigeria is his home
country,hardly is there any Nigeria
billionaire who can try that even in a
state as peaceful as Lagos.
welcome to Nigeria Mark Zukerberg
Saturday Beer Palour.
Mondays to Fridays were usually busy days for me ,the only day of the week when i get to smile from the bottom of my heart was Saturday, why? because after the regular Owanbe the next place i seek succour is the beer parlour though I don’t drink more than two bottles but I can spend more than 3hours there.
This Saturday was quite different,since June, Saturdays have been different I hardly get invited to Owanbes anymore and if i am invited food which is my driving force are always limited,it is either they share Biscuit and one bottle of soft drink or snacks, there was even one i went where we were served groundnut,I was shocked. There was a time every Saturdays I usually have one party or the other to attend or gate crash but like I wrote things are different now.
This very Saturday,i had woken late since there was no invitation and no where to gate crash, I was indoor all through eating beans,sleeping,pressing my phone,that was the routine. Once it was 8:30pm i decided to go to the beer Palour as it was my usual habit,in the past my budget for drink was always between 3000 to 5000 Naira because i do buy for other people but today i just slip 300 Naira only into my pocket and i was on my way.
I got to the beer Palour and i noticed it was quite scanty,I moved to my corner ,the owner greeted me from within the shop “Customer,wetin make them bring” she asked. “my usual but just one bottle.” I said while i adjusted the plastic chair, “Oga why you go buy one na,na 3 you buy last week and tonight own cold wella ” She added. ‘It seems this woman is high” I thought “Madam shey na for free ni?” I asked with my eyes fixed to the television as the A/C blew fresh air into my body system,I heard a hiss which i ignore “maybe na by force to buy more than one bottle”I Said within while i quickly plug in my charger to power my phone and power bank.
A lady soon brought my order and i paid her immediately,I poured a little in the cup and started sipping with my eyes glued to the television. I had hardly spent more than 40minutes and my drink was almost empty when the lady came to me again “are you buying anything again sir?” She asked, “No,not all” I said as i gulped down the last cup, “then you have to leave sir,you bought one bottle which means you can stay for only 30minutes but if you wish to stay a little longer you have to buy something again” She said clearing my table,I looked as if i was slapped “What kind of system is this? must i buy more bottle to stay here? ” I asked. “that’s the New system,you can’t come here, buy one bottle and be using style to charge all your gadgets till they are full.if you want to stay longer buy more bottles.” She said walking away. Before I could say Buhari the security was already removing my gadgets and handling them to me, to avoid further embarrassment i collected my things and i was out. “This woman don lose customer.” I said as i walked back home.
Nigeria Movies and the Long Duration
There is this special feature
Nollywood brings in to her own
movies “Advertisement” the killer of
time. After the wasting of time
through listing out names of cast
including make up artist,Driver at
location,Songwriter etc which will also
be listed again at the end of the
movie,These are rarely done in
Hollywood or Bollywood movies,
Where did Nollywood now learn this
system of prolonging duration of
movies through Advertisement.
A typical Nollywood movies will
advertise close to 10 movies with a
duration of at least 1minute for each
advert and when you think they are
done they come up with a latest
music from a musician which is
mostly done in Yoruba movies.
This is one of the many reasons most
Nigerians now prefer to watch Movies
from foreign countries,this is why
they even prefer watching the likes of
Koreans movies they hardly
understand the language been
spoken in such movies.
Where did Nollywood learn this art of
Naming Your Pet.
Pets are one of the most closely related living creatures you can keep.Alot of people keep pets for various reasons ranging from their love for nature,the special features of the pet,the skin,the size etc.
Naming ones pet is a great task,you don’t just give your pets anyname,you find a name that you believe befit them either owing to the qualities ascribe to such name. E.g naming your dog “Power,danger etc it depicts you want it to be fierce and ferocious.
In Africa naming of pets is quite different from the way it is done in foreign countries where you will find a cat going by the name Jane or a rabbit going by the name Paul etc. In foreign countries such names can be ascribe to humans and to them it is nothing but love. But here in Africa in the past it is odd to hear a pet go by your name. Let’s say you get to a friend’s house and then you hear “Paul come here” and your name is also Paul while you rise up to answer, you see a dog appear from no where answering your name, what will be your reaction?
Now coming to a modern day Africa we have gotten to a stage where we have copied if not all the act and deeds done abroad, therefore,it is not bad to hear a pet bear an human name.
How do you name your pet?
Having stayed with my brother and his family for six years,I decided to look for a small room to begin my own life.
I trekked the whole of Ikorodu moving from house to house, i was made to believe it was easier getting a house through an agent than through a landlord so i settled for one.
He was so professional,he took me to his office where i was given a form to fill,he told me about the various houses,their price and their features,it was all pleasing to my hearing,
He even took me to the various houses where rooms were vacant.
I was more than convinced so i agreed to the payment of 75,000Naira for the room. What i noticed was that on the day i went to make the payment I was almost at his office door post when i heard words that sounded like incantations but i waved
it off and entered the office i noticed he stylishly hid something under his table amidst his suprise but what it was i never knew. ”so you have come to make the payment?” he asked smiling “Yes o,I like the house at Salvation street,i would prefer it” I answered while i dipped my hand into my pocket for the money, “I know you will like that one,the house is a nice one and the rooms there are all up to standard” He said as he rubbed his palm over the other while i counted the money. I gave him 75,000 Naira which he also counted in my presence to be double sure “It’s complete” He announced.
He brought out his receipt booklet to issue me my receipt,he asked for my name which i told him then i noticed he was muttering something all of a sudden he looked straight into my eyes and that was the last thing i remembered till i got to my brother’s house.
My brother asked if i had paid for the house to which i answered in affirmative “Where is the house address” He asked congratulating me, I looked confused “What house address? I don’t know the address.” I answered,He asked if i knew my way to the house it was then it dawn on me i didn’t even collect the receipt,i couldn’t remember my way to the agent’s office neither could i remember his face,I checked my pocket to know if my money was still intact but it was gone.
“you were jazzed and duped” my brother said with a sorry look.
That was how i lost 75,000 Naira to an unknown agent.
I refused to believe in any agent till someone introduce me to Tolet.com.ng where i rented the house i stay now.
Ten things Ospoly freshers wouldn’t believe use to exist in Ospoly.
1. There used to be ATMs at Ospoly Micro Finance Bank on campus.
2. There was a time when there was no ATM at the main gate.
3. There used to be a bank apart from UBA,the building is still in existence towards BHS.
4. The building now occupied by captain cook was used for something else before..guess what?
5. There was a time when DPT students do receive lectures at BHS then Kidvac and now koko which is the permanent site.
6. The 3 PLT halls used to be for lectures and exam but now one of the halls have been converted for use by art and design students.
7. There was a time there was no college of education but now we have Iree college of education.
8. There was a time when the road at poly junction was so bad.
9. There is a church in Iree that is Over 100years old.
10. There was a time when there was nothing like CBT exam for students now EED is been done as a CBT based exam.
What Sundays bring to all.
Out of the 7days that makes a week. Sunday has it own special features apart from being just a day. Ironically it bears a name after the Sun which depicts hardwork but it is not so.
The following are the special features that is unique to Sunday.
1. It is a peaceful day: not that other days are not peaceful but Sunday is the most peaceful as everyone and everything is always at peace not like the other days of the week that is always hectic.
2. Visiting day: Here in Nigeria, Sunday is usually used as a day to visit that family member you have seen a long time ago,that friend that’s only free on Sundays etc.
3. Relaxation day: have you noticed you are always feeling lazy to do any strenuous work on Sundays. So sunday is a day to relax and relate properly with your family.
4. Preparation for the week: Sundays are meant to be used as days you use to get prepared for the week,you select those cloth you wished to use for that week on Sunday,you iron them etc. Like they say Preparation is the mother of manifestation, if you don’t prepare for the week on Sunday you are going to be in for a not too good week.
5. Brings out your best beauty: this can be funny but do you know Sundays are the day most people dress to kill especially those going to church,that’s why you will hear some people say it is because i don’t have a New cloth i didn’t go to church.
Sundays bring alot to diverse of people.
What did Sunday bring to you?
You know that Naija mentality of everyone wanting to be a home owner,the solace you find in becoming one because there is no longer one Baba Kasali running after you at the end of the month. It was this thought that pushed me to buy my house.
It was during this wandering i met an agent Mr Tolu AKA “Omo Onile General ” that was the name written on the designed board in front of the shop he called his office, I had gone to him telling him i needed a house,two bedrooms flat preferably. He brought out an exercise book containing names of the suppose houses which he was an agent for, “we have four flats at Lekki phase 1, 12.5 million Naira each” he said his eyes fixed on the exercise book, ” “12.5million Naira?” i asked,”Oga,It is 12.5million Naira,my commission is 500,000 Naira, Everything is 13million Naira only.” I shook my head in objection, “Oga no house in places like Agege,something of my financial status because i budgeted only 5million Naira.he opened another page in his “Book of Life” i guessed he was searching for houses at my desired location. After searching for what seems like hours he looked up and smiled “ok,we have something of your taste at Dopemu Agege at that price.” I smiled as though i had won a medal,my dream of becoming a “Lagosian Landlord” was in the making. then i remembered the Omo Onile saga which Lagos was known for but Mr Tolu assured me.We chose a date to go to the house for inspection before making payment as i still had my Lagosian sense with me.
I rushed home explaining to my wife that we would soon be home owners, my wife was skeptical about the whole thing, she brought out her phone and i saw her type http://www.tolet.com.ng on her browser page,she was an internet savvy and knew the in and out while i was of the older generation “Where did you say the house is ?”she asked after the website had loaded, I look confused i didn’t understand what she was up to but i answered “it is at Dopemu Agege” she searched for houses for sales there and it brought up 18 houses with the highest price being 4.5million Naira,the suprising aspect was that i could see the pictures of the houses and their special features. we chose one and as she was the one that understands this internet thing we did the buying online,got the document and moved in the following week. When Mr Tope didn’t see me he called my line “Hello,Mr Joshua,the house you chose at Dopemu Agege is still available” he said, I laughed “Sorry i just bought the house.” he started shouting on the phone “you are a back stabber,you are this ,you are that” i replied him, “Tolet.com.ng did it for me.” i drop the phone call.
Your buying and selling of houses could be done at ease.
How Students Do budget padding on their finance from parents.
Having witnessed the budget padding saga that has trail the National Assembly in the past week,i noticed the this padding of a thing has been common among Students especially those in Tertiary institutions.
Here is a list of how Students do their own budget padding.
1. Inflating the cost of school fee.
2. Increasing the cash meant for handout.
3. Making use of names of halls in the school as names of books to get money.
4. Coming up with non-existing projects
5. Coming up with assignments that must ne done immediately
6. Increasing price on house rent
7. collecting fund for sham registrations etc.
Therefore it is not only Legislators that can pad budget..